Just who is being insensitive here?

Posted: July 9, 2008 by DSDM2 in Just Drama
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=480897

miscarriages in sigs?

Originally Posted by princemelissas


I would like to know why some DS moms post in their sigs how many miscarriages they have had. I don’t understand why you would put that in there. That is defintely not what defines me as a mom and not something I would like to share with people. :headscratch:
Originally Posted by crittercrazy3
umm…. wow ok.

some people DO consider babies inside of them as children of theirs. therefore if they feel they wanna share their loss in a signature, it should be respected and not questioned. if you didn’t understand it, leave it like that (unless it goes against the rules of the forum) for next time. so you don’t open yourself a can of worms that will spiral out of control. :2cents: :goodvibes:

Originally Posted by Mom2Emory
Really? It’s not insensitive to insinuate that there’s something wrong/something to be understood about people who would put their losses in their siggies? I mean, SHE wouldn’t do it after all.
Originally Posted by princemelissas
Ok I am going to bed, this is crazy! But to clear things up, I wasen’t being insensitive. I was truely just asking a question of why women would put their mcs in their sigs. My wording was wrong, I admit. I never took into account that miscarriages mean different things to women too. I miscarried at 13 weeks, never even knew the sex of the baby. Do I have an angel in heaven, absolutely. There is a piece of my heart that will forever be empty. I wasen’t being mean, I wasen’t saying it was wrong or even intending to say that and I wasen’t being insensitive. My mc is not something I even talk about and wasen’t aware that other women did. So please take this as an apology for “ruffling feathers” when I had no intention of doing so. I got my answer from a mama who took the time to understand what I was asking. End of thread!
Originally Posted by Mom2Emory
I have learned this: l

1. What is in our signatures is the evidence of what defines us.

2. Letting people know where you stand on heavily debated topics pertaining to the male genitalia is fine signature material. But pregnancies that didn’t make it to term are questionable and perhaps unwelcome.

Duly noted.

Insensitivity?? or should we be passing out chill pills?

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Comments
  1. The Bored Bitch says:

    You left out a great post from that thread:

    princemelissas 07-08-2008 08:46 PM
    Re: miscarriages in sigs?

    Quote:
    I never thought of it that way, maybe I seperate myself from it so I don’t have to think about it. :dunno: I believe in life at conception but I never considered “it” a child of mine??. Something to think about…….

    If she believes in life at conception, who’s child is *it* then?

  2. toomuchtimewastedhere says:

    Well, she did declare it over!

    Eeediot. Ed.i.ot.

  3. The Bored Bitch says:

    Chill pills or for a little common decency pills for the OP of that thread?

    Methinks the latter.

  4. Madre says:

    She’s insensitive. I didn’t think people were that dense to even ask that question.

  5. haha says:

    Am I the only one that’s offended by “air quotes” around the term it? IT’s okay to say it’s a baby…arrggg I really hate people!

  6. the genius says:

    ARE YOU KIDDING? i think some chill pills are definitely in order. people need to stop being so damned sensitive…maybe then you wont think shes being insensitive. it was a question…not a jab. move on…

  7. sammy says:

    a moron and insensitive- great combo

    not obvious on the blog is the OP’s siggy ” EBFing, APing,God fearing, natural living, fully vaxing. circing…..”

  8. Lefty says:

    I have no words for the stupidity of the OP. And I don’t buy the innocent “I just wanted to know” act. Thankfully, there were some intellectual people actually reading the thread who used her own words against her quite masterfully.

  9. sammy says:

    Ya stop being so sensitive about your dead babies! WTF?Seriously? Ok. right. People shouldn’t be so sensitive OR maybe stupid people could grow a brain and THINK before they type.

  10. The Bored Bitch says:

    Lets examine this closer:

    We have an OP who takes it upon herself to compare what defines her sense of motherhood with those around her.

    What one thing does she use as her point of reference? Miscarriage. A terribly painful, yes-sensitive subject for many, many women.

    She goes on to imply that because she does not view a life from conception as her own child, that it justifies her comparison to others.

    At no point does the OP show empathy for those she posts with, for the women reading for whom this is a tender subject.

    We arent talking about a GM that disappointed drama.
    This is a tender, personal issue for many readers.

    The OPs complete disregard and dismissal of those with MC in their siggies because she does not allow herself to grieve the way that others do is heartless.

    I can understand…no applaud those who show outrage.

    If there was ever a topic, a mommy war issue that should be addressed, this is it.

    No woman should ever be made to feel shame for talking about a miscarriage…even if its in her signature.

    Lets take those chill pills, offer them to the “Im not trying to start a debate BS” OP, then tell her to STFU because she clearly doesnt get it.

  11. siriusmama says:

    I found her to be quite insensitive and then very defensive when people were (rightfully) upset. I managed to respond very politely though, more to help anyone else reading and wondering than the OP 🙂

  12. Lefty says:

    “I don’t know how anyone can defend someone asking such assinine and insensitive questions. I would never yoke myself to such a person or let it define me as a person.”

    *hoping someone sees the parallel*

  13. the genius says:

    it was a question…all she needed was an answer. not an ass flaming. obviously miscarriage it a touchy, sensitive subject…but that doesnt mean she was being insensitive by asking why another mom would put it in her siggy. seems like everytime someone on diaperswappers has a different point of view from the majority, then shes an insensitive, uneducated idiot. please. get over it. she doesnt think that miscarraige is something to be discussed in public…and doesnt think it appropriate to be put in a siggy. lets all throw stones at her for having a dissrent point of view from the rest…

    she wasnt shaming anyone…but theres alot of people that should be ashmed by their ass headed replies.

  14. The Bored Bitch says:

    It seems like every time someone deserves to have their ass handed to them, there are those who would seek to pat it.

    There are those who feel that rape is swept under the rug. That its taboo. Shameful.
    We thumb our noses at that ignorance because we recognize the good talking about it does.

    Its similar with MC. Its nothing to be shamed over.

    The OPs first post was to question the mothering instinct, the very definition of motherhood for women who acknowledge their MC in their siggies.

    Bullshit it was just a question and if she really thought that that, she needs to get off the interwebz because her ignorance is truly disgusting.

    The OP isnt an insensitive, uneducated idiot. She is an unemphatic, insensitive, uneducated, uncaring, remorseless, self absorbed idiot.

  15. the genius says:

    i beg to differ…but its all good. we can agree to disagree…

  16. The Bored Bitch says:

    Naw, continue to hand slap if you like.

    The attempted tingle amuses me.

  17. the genius says:

    lmao…just because someone think that its inappropriate to talk about miscarriage..shes wrong. because it isnt the majority opinion. so everyone jumps on her…and tells her shes horrible. yadda yadda

    and to compare it to rape is rather ridiculous if you ask me…

    ok. all done. 🙂

  18. The Bored Bitch says:

    Im glad you think so.

    Did you know there are cultures within our society in which rape is seen as Gods punishment for bad behavior on the part of the woman?
    Did you know that these same sects teach that miscarriage is due to a secret sin?

    The point is that we allow shame to permeate something that does not warrant shame. Neither of those things are something to hide out of shame.

    If one wishes to make the choice to keep them private because of ones own personal comfort levels, so be it.

    My issue with the OP is that she chooses to judge those around her (even if she cant bring herself to admit she is judging) by her own experiences.

    She keeps her miscarriage private but has no qualms publicly questioning others who show they have experienced this.

    So, which is it? Something to be discussed publicly or privately…or maybe not at all.

    She isnt wrong because the majority says she is wrong.
    She is wrong because her thread was thoughtless and her defense of it was border line cruel to members of her potential audience.

    No, she is not horrible but her thread…her defense of her right to start such a thread was.

  19. riot says:

    Wow.

    Seriously, what did she expect? People to say they’re sorry to have bothered her with sharing their losses? & I hate it when people refer to a baby as “it”. Would you look at your child and call him or her an “it”? No.

  20. becka says:

    well i did call my baby an ‘it’ till i was able to say (s)he, just easier than saying ‘the baby’ over and over and over again.
    back on the original topic
    my angel babies are not something that needs to be hidden, and for that to be insinuated by the OP is what makes her deserve an ass reaming. my babies are real, as real as my living children. all my children have a right to be in my siggy if i want them to be-without someone questioning my reasons.

  21. the genius says:

    lmao i dont see where on earth she made a direct judgment about anyone. she asked a question. yea, she threw in her two cents on top of it, but i think she was asking to try and understand…not to hurt feelings. shes new to the board, and probably hadnt seen that elsewhere. most people DONT sign their christmas cards with their passed childrens names…most people dont mention their miscarriages when asked how many children they have.

    now if she said “yall are nuts for putting that crap in your signature. i dont see why that makes any sense. i dont feel the need to be enlightened, just feel the need to make comments” i could understand the hurt feelings argument. but that isnt the case…now is it.

    but wtf do i know. im just a mama…

  22. MajKitab says:

    We called our embryo Ed and then our fetus (after 8 wks) Fred… Anything to stay away from It; that makes it sound like an alien IMO.

  23. MajKitab says:

    Oh and regarding the OP…

    Sucky wording on the internet = Sucky attitudes from people who don’t know you

  24. siriusmama says:

    “MajKitab Says: July 9, 2008 at 5:48 am

    Oh and regarding the OP…

    Sucky wording on the internet = Sucky attitudes from people who don’t know you”
    Yes this is it exactly! Not there was anything wrong with her question, just the way it was worded was so crass. Reading her OP I never ever would have thought she had lost a baby 😦

  25. HidingBehindYoMama says:

    ” the genius Says: July 9, 2008 at 4:14 am
    it was a question…all she needed was an answer. not an ass flaming. obviously miscarriage it a touchy, sensitive subject…but that doesnt mean she was being insensitive by asking why another mom would put it in her siggy. seems like everytime someone on diaperswappers has a different point of view from the majority, then shes an insensitive, uneducated idiot. please. get over it. she doesnt think that miscarraige is something to be discussed in public…and doesnt think it appropriate to be put in a siggy. lets all throw stones at her for having a dissrent point of view from the rest…

    she wasnt shaming anyone…but theres alot of people that should be ashmed by their ass headed replies.”

    She just asked a question, huh? Yeah well… I don’t buy that line of bullshit. There are these little people over at diaperfoppers that enjoy starting shit, and it does appear that OP is one of them. So just asking a question? No. I don’t think so.

  26. mom3divas says:

    It was pig-headed ask the question to begin with?

  27. T~Lish says:

    “It seems like every time someone deserves to have their ass handed to them, there are those who would seek to pat it.”

    Oh how I wish this was a bumper sticker….. Wise words TBB, but I wouldn’t have expected anything less from you 😉

  28. subpariq says:

    eh. I don’t know if she was trying to be a bitch or if she is just plain stupid. either way it is an incredibly insensitive question to ask and she deserves to be verbally lashed so that she either learns her lesson.

  29. The Bored Bitch says:

    wtf do you know?
    Apparently not much, Genius, even being a mama and all.

    It would seem you share the OPs same lack of empathy and callousness, making your defense of her stupidity understandable in a backwards kind of way.

    You have prefaced your last two posts in which you make sweeping generalizations about ‘most’ people’ and the folks in the majority expressing their opinions with ‘LMAO’.
    Many of that majority are people who have shared about their own miscarriages and their disgust with the OP’s thoughtless post.

    Are you still laughing?
    You probably are because it would suit the complete disregard you share with the OP towards other mothers.

    Here I thought the OP was about as tacky as they come.
    I was mistaken. (take note-that doesnt happen often)

    The truth is that the new poster could use the new- to-forums line but you know better.
    You know the pain you cause your readers by mocking ‘most people’ and their losses.
    No qualms about laughing your ass off at them, eh?
    Honestly, that makes you worse IMO than the OP.

    I question if you are, in fact, a mother because I can not fathom that one mother could be so incredibly insensitive to other mothers, especially those who have suffered loss.

  30. subpariq says:

    the genius-it wasn’t that she asked. It was how she asked. It wasn’t “hey I’m just wondering why…” It was the “that’s fucked up” tone that her post clearly has. I’m not a person that would ever consider an early on fetus a child. I wouldn’t personally equate an early miscarriage to a rape. But my feelings don’t mean shit in another woman’s miscarriage. Who are you to tell another woman how to feel or to say comparing feelings about miscarriage to feelings about a rape is “ridiculous.” Your tone is really insensitive and if you can’t recognize how the OP on this topic might upset some women, then you probably have a lump of coal instead of a heart.

  31. The Bored Bitch says:

    To clarify- My comparison of rape to miscarriage was not of the rape itself but the stigma that can be attached to it in some circles as with miscarriage, only in a somewhat different context.

    It was not my goal to compare actual rape to a miscarriage.

    Gah. I dont feel Im making my point well.

  32. subpariq says:

    tbb that was clear in your post, I just forgot the context when I read tg’s reply. But I still don’t think anyone should be telling another woman how to feel about a traumatic event. To me, one is not better or worse. Personal trauma is just that PERSONAL.

  33. The Bored Bitch says:

    *I still don’t think anyone should be telling another woman how to feel about a traumatic event. To me, one is not better or worse. Personal trauma is just that PERSONAL.*

    Agreed and QFT.

  34. new here says:

    I think the point is that it was a question that just didn’t need to be asked. If the OP took the time to rub a couple of brain cells together, its not a far stretch to figure out why some moms would want to include their lost children in their siggies.

  35. veganthug says:

    I agree new.

    (formerly riot)

  36. Always a lady says:

    Chill pills all around are CERTainly necessary!!!!

    I wonder though – how many of those “angels” are really abortions? Come on now – you know some of these broads have had their “ass washed out.”

    Just curious.

  37. The Original Just Me says:

    BB, once again I agree with every single thing you have posted in this thread. The op’s question was insensitive, although I am glad she had enough common sense to apologize.

  38. toomuchtimewastedhere says:

    Always a lady (said with sarcasm at such a ridiculous name)-

    Are you effin serious? You’re asking if these mothers who say they have MISCARRIED a baby actually had abortions? What kind of weird fuck are you?

  39. Always a lady says:

    Not at all. I’m questioning if all the “angels” are miscarriages. Not implying that they’re not. I’m simply asking a question.

  40. The Original Just Me says:

    Always a lady-

    ass washed out? Quite fuckin ladylike.

  41. subpariq says:

    Always a lady. Go fuck yourself. Then go crawl back under your bridge.

  42. Nicki says:

    Always A Lady…that’s the most asinine thing ever said on here. I now crown you Queen Twatwaffle.

  43. Nadine says:

    god I hate that goodvibes smiley.
    People may as well come out and say eff you

  44. Nadine says:

    After reading the responses I won’t say much since it seems it was handled.
    I don’t talk about my losses. I’ve had a lot of them (and no, my ass hasn’t been washed out, thanks) I don’t talk about a lot of things, but those losses are still my children. The reasons they aren’t in my signature is personal and I’d never judge someone for doing different.
    Her innocent question is so far from innocent.
    Mmmmmmm twatwaffle tuesday. Pass the syrup bitches

  45. yestheyareallmine says:

    Many hugs to those who were hurt by the callousness of the OP and that thread.

    It seems the people who are going to get it already do and the people that don’t suck and like it that way. I’m a day late here, but I feel the need (probably the beer…) to give props where they are due. The genius? Not so much. Always a lady? Nooooo….far from it. Kudos for the good use of contradictory names though *good vibes*

  46. You Hate Me Cause You Wish You Knew Me AKA MadreJoyce AKA Willow says:

    I dont think anyone has a right to make anyone else feel like there is shame or whatever in posting miscarriages or anything else like that in their signatures..
    I have many pregnancy losses & used to put them in my signature for support not just myself but of others to also let them know they are not alone..
    Im sorry but I agree with “BoredBitch” on this one..
    Theres nothing wrong or disgusting or anyting about it. its a persons personal right to grieve & remember however the hell they want.

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