Giving someone elses kid BM WITHOUT permission?!

Posted: November 16, 2008 by DSDM2 in Just Drama
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Oh HELL no. I have breastfed all of my children, but this is freaking wrong.

If you can’t tell the Mother you are going to do it, it isn’t right.


This sounds really weird, I know, but would giving my breastmilk to my 2.5 year old stepdaughter give her any good antibodies? She was a formula baby and last year she was sick all winter long. We’re picking her up tonight and her mom said she’s really sick now, too. (as she also was two weekends ago when we had her)… Does anybody have any thoughts on this? Would my milk be good for her or not?


It wouldn’t hurt as it does have a ton of antibodies. But I wouldn’t mention it to her mom (and maybe not to your DH, he may be icked out by it)


I would give her some too.:goodvibes: There is nothing wrong with that but I would not tell the mother either people are ignorant and she might freak out.


Thanks! That’s kinda what I thought – It can’t hurt and it might do some good. And, yeah, I’m not planning on mentioning it to her mom!! Thanks for the replies!


you should absolutely tell her mother!!!! how could you think to NOT tell her? She has the right to know what her daughter is ingesting. She’s your STEP daughter – not your bio daughter – you have no right to sneak behind her mother’s back.


Thanks for the opinions! however… even if she got mad… what if it helped? isn’t it worth her getting a little upset with me if it made our daughter feel better? Her health is more important to me than worrying about what her mom might think. If it was reversed – I’d want her to try to help my dd – even if I was weirded out by it. Giving her my milk can’t hurt her, right? My dh is supportive of the idea and she’s his daughter just as much as her mom’s.

  1. givepeasachance says:

    I don’t see anything wrong with giving her breast milk. I see a major problem with omitting that fact to her bio Mom. Sneaky business.

  2. DSDM2 says:

    Rule of Thumb: If you can’t tell the mom you did it, then you shouldn’t do it.

  3. yestheyareallmine says:

    Yeah…keeping it a secret is going to make it seem really freaky if mom eventually finds out. I can just imagine what it would look like to a judge should mom bring that up in a future custody hearing…

  4. cdmd1023 says:

    I would be PISSED if someone gave my child their bm without asking me.

  5. cdmd1023 says:

    and 1 serving of bm is not going to cure the child.

  6. jen says:

    How does she think that she is suddenly not going to get sick anymore if she drinks a little BM while with her? She is only there every 2 weeks (according to the post)…I dont think it will do anything.

    And I would be LIVID if someone did that without my knowledge.

  7. DSDM2 says:

    Actually, what makes a breastfed child less likely to get sick is the act of nursing. Pumped milk is not the same thing.

    The child starts to get sick, they nurse, and immediately start passing the illness to the mom VIA the breast, and in turn the breast IMMEDIATELY starts to produce antibodies for the child. Pumping and feeding doesn’t have the same effect.

    Granted if the mom gets sick and has the illness, then the milk has the antibodies in the case of pumping, but a few weekends of BM won’t help.

    Wash hands more frequently, bathe, wash her clothes more, and boost her vitamin intake. Those are all things that the mom shouldn’t have an issue with.

    Giving someone else’s child breast milk without asking is not OK. If you don’t think the mom would be ok with it, you should not be doing it.

  8. AshleyB says:

    UGH…if you have to hide about it, it’s not good. Plain & simple!!

  9. Nicki says:

    Ugh. That’s wrong on many levels. Some people think their breastmilk is the magical potion that cures all and it should be given to everyone! Honestly, get over yourself. And …P.S. Yuck, it is a bodily fluid, and one that can carry many diseases, I would be beyond pissed. P.S. I’m very much a breastfeeding advocate, but I think this is very wrong.

  10. I forgot my screen name...woops says:

    That is sooo wrong! I would be LIVID! Thats like saying what she doesnt know wont hurt her….if someone ever..oh man Id be FURIOUS! And Damn straight Id be heading straight back to court because who knows what else this step parent would do against my wishes with my child.

  11. just_my_opinion says:

    I’ve known exclusively bf kids that were sick all the time, and exclusively ff kids that were not. It all depends on exposure. When children are around other children, they get sick. If a child doesn’t get sick often enough, they will not have a healthy immune system as an adult, so it’s not necessarily a bad thing. She would be better off teaching her step daughter to wash her hands often, than giving her a small amount of bm. I would take someone to court if they ever tried to feed my son their bodily fluids. That being said, my son was bf.

  12. I forgot my screen name...woops says:

    Good point PP! My kids always get sick the first couple months after school starts. While we get plenty of exposure, there nothing like cramming a couple thousand kids into a school to share some germs. 🙂

  13. Nicole says:

    wowwwwwww. yeah.. Its not cool to “oh just don’t tell her mom” wtf? If someone did that with my child, I’d have to cut someone.. Its a little different than sneaking a kid some candy and saying “don’t tell your mom..”

  14. Me, MySelf and I says:

    So I’ve been out and just caught up on all the recent drama… what is the URL for the YAHOO Drama Chat Group? I’m dying to join! I’m already on the MySpace one.

  15. justme says:

    This makes me want to barf!

  16. The Original Ashley says:

    I would be fucking PISSED if someone fed my child THEIR breastmilk without my consent and then tried to hide it from me. Those women are nuts if they think that’s ok. NUTS. WHACK. JOBS. How is that ok in their world? How would they feel? Good god people.

  17. werd says:

    oh HELL no! I get pissed when I find out my MIL gives my DD a sip of soda – BREAST MILK? I don’t think so – I am all for BFing but she is NOT her bio daughter, its not up to her to make that decision, that is just wrong!

  18. ForRealz says:

    Oh lord, someone just let their crazee show. Totally not cool. Even though breastmilk does have magical properties. Did you know it can glue noses back on faces?

  19. silver says:

    this is so wrong. i was irate just reading it, i can’t imagine how i would feel if somebody FED MY CHILD THEIR BREASTMILK and “omitted” the fact when reporting to me about the weekend. my children were breastfed and i still find this wrong on every level.

  20. itsraininghere says:

    I just think it’s funny that one of them claimed that some ppl can be ignorant, when they are the ones saying that not only will her breastmilk magically cure this “sickly” little girl, but that it’s perfectly okay to give it to her and purposefully hide it from her mother.

  21. I forgot my screen name...woops says:

    Ok this
    “Yeah that!. My friends have breastfed my baby and I’ve breastfed hers (and my sister’s) but we agreed about that. I would be at the though of someone else’s BF’ing my kid without my permission.”


  22. I forgot my screen name...woops says:

    Hey anyone here have milk producing boobs want to feed my kid? I mean Im here and I could feed her but why when I could pass her around and let her suck on other peoples boobs. Ugh GROSS! What is wrong with these people?!

  23. DSDM2 says:

    #22, I have had a friend BF my children while I was in court and wasn’t able to take them in with me.

    If I have had to have someone babysit, I have chosen my lactating friends for just that reason. We don’t do bottles, at all. So it makes sense to me.

    That being said, I would NEVER be ok with someone doing it without telling me. They obviously know that this mom would not be ok with it, therefore they should not do it.

  24. catalabella says:

    #21 My *very close* friend (whom I know from forever, know her hygiene habits and know what she eats) and I gave birth almost at the same time. Our children play together all the time and both babies were exclusively breastfed. When I was babysitting and her baby started to fuzz because he was hungry I’d let him nurse a bit, while his mother came. Simple and easy. Same thing for her, besides, my girl would never have a bottle, she simply hated it.

    Have you ever heard about “milk siblings”? Lots of cultures consider this as normal and a big help for nursing mothers and children. This is also what wet nurses were supposed to do, minus the domination relationship that came with it.

    I guess this is cultural (I’m latino, so no flames at my sentence structure and grammar, please), when I visited my sister and her LO was hungry and my sister was not available I’d let her nurse for the “comfort” feeling. She has a low milk supply, I know her cousin nurses her baby from time to time at the same time that her kiddo. In all cases I’m talking about infants, not toddlers, though.

    I don’t think I’d nurse nurse a baby from a mama I didn’t trust and know very closely or let my baby nurse on such a woman. I don’t think I’d be comfortable nursing someone else’s toddler. And I’d be yucked/very angry if someone else tried to sneak he bodily fluids into my child without my permission, but I don’t see the problem with a consensual relationship.

  25. Funneh says:

    #24: Agreed wholeheartedly. A mutual agreement/understanding between two close people about their children is one thing. Sneaking yer bodily fluids into an older child without telling her mother because you are too ignorant to know *why* it can help prevent illness (read: uselessly doing so based on snippets of information you read on the internetz) is completely another. Ew.

  26. MajKitab says:

    Thumbs up to DSDM2 and the last couple posts!

  27. werd says:

    well said #24! If there is a mutual understanding, then go for it! But being sneaky like that is wrong, and if you feel the need to be sneaky in the first place, then you MUST know you are doing something the mother wouldn’t want you to!

  28. spoofer says:

    the dh in this situation sounds like a real bright light too.

  29. The Original Ashley says:

    Yeah it’s the sneaking around that pisses me off the most. If you have a mutual agreement with someone, who am I to judge. But to my dying day, if someone tries to sneak their bodily fluid into my child, for whatever dumbass reason, they will be finding themselves sorely sorry they did. And probably missing whatever body part that fluid came from.

  30. Jen says:

    I agree. If mom knows about it, and is OK with it, I see nothing wrong with milk sharing..but to HIDE it from mom because YOU KNOW she will be upset? Not cool.

  31. Jale says:

    Actually, what makes a breastfed child less likely to get sick is the act of nursing. Pumped milk is not the same thing

    I disagree with you on that. I understand what you meant by it but Breastmilk still has antibodies in it no matter where it comes from directly. A bottle or breast. It doesnt change just because of how its fed.

    Anyway… I think its cool IF she wants to help her step daughter but she does need to let her mom know. What if the stepdaughter got thrush or something.. i could imagine that convo “gee step mom, i notcied DD has Thrush when we went to the Ped, do you know where she got it”? “noo i havent a clue”. (rolls eyes)

  32. lilyfish says:

    I’ve been raising my boyfriend’s child as my own for nearly 18 months now – she spends about 90% of the time living with us – and i will be honest – she has shown interest in the breast since the first time she saw my son nurse. She was formula fed as an infant.

    While I am sad that she was not even given the chance to breastfeed, I have never for a moment even considered letting her nurse. EVER. There is NO WAY I would ever even be able to bring it up with her biological mom (and to be honest, I wouldn’t want to, she’s never nursed before and has a mouthful of teeth… scream city…). She’s actually lunged for the boob once or twice while Jed was nursing, and I always tell her sorry hon, these are [my son]’s, you get your milk out of a cup.

    Were our culture different, and more open to such practices, sure, I’d give her BM. But without the bio-mom having knowledge.. well.. that’s just WRONG.

    Of course that didn’t stop her from lying to her bio mom saying “I drink [lilyfish]’s boobie, it’s good!” *shakes head*

  33. Junebug says:

    Oh my God, this is NUTS! I’m as pro-BF as they get. I even support cross-nursing. But BFing a never-BF child who’s two and a half years old–without the mama’s permission–is absolutely INSANE! If she’s never nursed before and she’s now TWO AND A HALF years old, this could cause her some SERIOUS issues relating to attachment and physical intimacy. Having a more physically intimate bond with someone besides her mother is not good. I nurse my three-year-old, but I can’t even begin to imagine how weird it would be if he’d never been nursed before and an unrelated woman flopped out a boob to him and told him to nurse. IMO, that needs to be introduced when the child is a baby or never at all. And certainly not by someone besides the mother.

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