Can she do it again?? Can one question lead to another never-ending “you’ve insulted everyone” thread? Let’s wait and see.

princemelissas 07-26-2008 10:08 AM

Attn: AP mamas
I saw a sig from a mama the other day that said she worked out of home and was a AP mama, can you do both? I saw it and it caught my attention. Can you believe in attachment parenting and work full time out of the home? Just wondering what the thoughts are from other AP moms
mom2madison06 07-26-2008 10:26 AM

Re: Attn: AP mamas
I think this is a ridiculous statement. Can you parent your children and work outside the home?! For many of us, staying home is not an option. My daughter attends daycare with a very gentle likeminded Mama while I am working or at class and every other waking hour– we are together. Quantity DOES NOT equal quality time with your children.
dragondance 07-26-2008 10:33 AM

Re: Attn: AP mamas
Quote:

Originally Posted by mom2madison06 (Post 4282965)
I think this is a ridiculous statement. Can you parent your children and work outside the home?! For many of us, staying home is not an option. My daughter attends daycare with a very gentle likeminded Mama while I am working or at class and every other waking hour– we are together. Quantity DOES NOT equal quality time with your children.

YES. Just because I have to work outside the home to feed us and keep our house doesn’t mean I don’t parent lovingly attached-ly(?:giggle:) when I am home. I bf on demand, babywear, cosleep, etc, when I am home, and pump at work. Dh and I work opposite shifts so he watches them while I’m away, and while he can’t quite bf himself :giggle: he does a pretty good job, too.

Tiffer23 07-26-2008 10:37 AM

Re: Attn: AP mamas
Absolutely. AP is a mindset, not a checklist.
Treehugger 07-26-2008 10:39 AM

Re: Attn: AP mamas
I sort of understand what you are saying. I think of AP as constantly wearing the baby throughout the day, breastfeeding on demand, co-sleeping, etc. So I understand where you are coming from. I think moms that work outside of the home are still wonderful parents. I guess it depends ones definition of AP.

BTW I don’t think she was saying that moms who work outside of the home are bad or that they can’t parent lovingly.

ambersrose 07-26-2008 10:43 AM

Re: Attn: AP mamas
It is an honest question and one that a lot of AP parents probably ask themselves. The OP didnt say anything about being a “good” parent or a “loving” parent because you can be good and loving and not AP, she just was asking if working away from your child would fall into the AP standards. In my opinion it does not in a strict sense. I think very few of us can follow all the AP rules to a tee especially as our children get older, as parents we do the best we can and take what we can from what ever methods we favor.
JonsMommy 07-26-2008 11:55 AM

Re: Attn: AP mamas
In a family where the father works and the mother stays home, do you think that the father can practice AP when he is home? Dr Sears himself works, so can you consider him AP? Why is the standard different for a woman?

Anyway I don’t consider myself AP because there are parts of it that haven’t worked for us, but I don’t see why someone couldn’t be AP and WOH.

ashleykaymay 07-26-2008 04:49 PM

Re: Attn: AP mamas
Quote:

Originally Posted by aqua_jellybean (Post 4284251)
I believe you can be an AP even if you work full-time. AP is what you make it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tiffer23 (Post 4283051)
Absolutely. AP is a mindset, not a checklist.

yep. i FF and still consider myself an AP parent so why can’t a working mama be AP? to me, its parenting from the heart and doing whats best for you and your child, therefore making them feel as secure as possible. :thumbsup:

haydn’smommy 07-26-2008 04:50 PM

Re: Attn: AP mamas
That is the most rude and insulting thing I have ever heard. I work, not by choice, but because I need to provide a place to live and food to eat for my child. I also still bf him at 17mos, bw him every d*mn place, gently discipline/parent, and my son is more attached to me than I could have ever dreamed possible. And I am more attached to him than I could have ever dreamed possible. I’m sorry that some of us aren’t independently wealthy, don’t have a dh with an amazingly good paying job, or whatever the h*ll else allows some people to be able to SAH, but just because I work doesn’t mean I love my child less. How dare you suggest otherwise.
mamakaty 07-26-2008 05:20 PM

Re: Attn: AP mamas
AP is an approach, rather than a strict set of rules THis is from the Dr. Sears site. I wholeheartedly agree. I would also like to c&p this:

Attachment parenting implies first opening your mind and heart to the individual needs of your baby, and eventually you will develop the wisdom on how to make on-the-spot decisions on what works best for both you and your baby. Do the best you can with the resources you have – that’s all your child will ever expect of you.

I actually don’t usually call myself AP, but I believe and follow most of the principles. But I think we should all have that open mind and heart mentioned above. I worked full time after ds#1 was born, and I don’t think that affected our attached-ness one bit!!

jennym91005 07-26-2008 05:25 PM

Re: Attn: AP mamas
I work FT, i did FF, I used disp diapers for a year, i only wore my baby in a snuggli sometimes, i never cosleep… some would say i am not AP at all, but I consider myself VERY attached to my child. I would die for him.
Weezy6703 07-26-2008 09:35 PM

Re: Attn: AP mamas
without reading everyone’s responses that’s the biggest insult i’ve heard in a LONG while

we do a lot of ‘ap’ practices and mindsets if that’s what you call them. I almost despise the use of certain terms. because some of us WOH does that mean we wouldn’t dare be able to meet the needs of our LOs and HEAVEN FORBID THEY WOULDN”T BE ATTACHED TO US????? GIVE ME A FREAKING BREAK I CAN”T BELIEVE I READ THAT!!!!

Weezy6703 07-26-2008 09:41 PM

Re: Attn: AP mamas
Preparation for Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting how can this not be done WOH?
Feed with Love and Respect how can this not be done WOH?

Respond with Sensitivity how can this not be done WOH?

Use Nurturing Touch how can this not be done WOH?

Engage in Nighttime Parenting how can this not be done WOH?

Provide Consistent Loving Care how can this not be done WOH?

Practice Positive Discipline how can this not be done WOH?

Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life how can this not be done WOH?

there’s not one thing in those 8 principles that can not be accomplished whether you are at home or not. that’s pretty darn hurtful

kettle 07-26-2008 10:48 PM

Re: Attn: AP mamas
Quote:

Originally Posted by princemelissas (Post 4282807)
I saw a sig from a mama the other day that said she worked out of home and was a AP mama, can you do both? I saw it and it caught my attention. Can you believe in attachment parenting and work full time out of the home? Just wondering what the thoughts are from other AP moms

I wasn’t aware that you needed to spend 24 hours a day with your child to practice attachment parenting. As someone else pointed out, Dr. Sears himself realizes that not every parent can do ever single AP thing.

I thought attachment parenting was “how” you raised your child (meaning the methods you employed and philosophy you followed) not when/how often. I BF and babywear (we chose not to co-sleep because DH is a very heavy/thrashy sleeper and we felt it wouldn’t be safe). DS is in his sling whenever I’m home… we baby dance and I nurse on demand. If I’m at work DH supplies milk on demand.

My husband is a SAHD, but even if he weren’t we would still be AP/PET parents. Since my husband can’t BF does that mean he can’t attachment parent?

I think you owe a lot of mamas an apology… and you might want to consider rewording your post, because whether you intended to or not it comes off as belittling and insulting.

DH and I consider ourselves lucky that I make enough for him to stay home… not everyone has that option. People are doing the best they can and trying to raise their children in the best way possible. AP is not a rigid doctrine, but rather a positive philosophy on child-rearing.

I think Weezy summed it up!

princemelissas 07-27-2008 01:21 PM

Re: Attn: AP mamas
This is one thing that bothers me about DS sometimes, people assume I was mean in my question. I agree 100% that you can do both. My mom worked full time and was the best mom ever. However I know from talking to some moms that AP means being with your child 24/7 so I was wondering what other peoples opinions were. I agree the APing is a mindset, and I also believe it means different things to different people.
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Comments
  1. What a wanker says:

    They took the AP’s question way out of context.

  2. What a wanker says:

    Whoops, meant the OP’s comments! Way to Freudian Slip!

  3. veganthug says:

    I totally agree. I wouldn’t have been offended if someone asked me that.

    I guess we should knock anyone down for being curious!

  4. trollin4friends says:

    OP was a moron for wording her question like that. did she really expect a different outcome?

  5. Peachy Keen says:

    I always associated being an AP mama to not WOH. So I can understand her curiousity. Someone should’ve just gently directed her towards the 3 B’s:)

  6. Rannensmom says:

    When I read it in my head, I hear it in a tone expressing curiosity. There was nothing indicating anything snarky in this post. I’m a firm believer that when you’re reading plain text via the internet, the attitude you read behind it actually tells you more about yourself than it does about the other person. (With the exception of comments that are undeniably intended to be rude, such as the one from the vendor in the previous blog.)

  7. Janna says:

    those DS drama mamas are constantly looking for people to jump all over……geez, get a life.

    I think it was a fair question.

  8. sbolen says:

    I think its a valid question. Especially on DS when you have so many AP nazis, and the fact that there are so many ways that AP is left to interpretation. I have a friend who does AP and really wrestled with to do it and find a caregiver that would continue the AP “methods” when she returned to work.

  9. Kaymadmom says:

    gee whiz…way to blow things out of proportion. It was an honest and valid question and I think it is pretty silly that a bunch of people got all worked up over it.

  10. becka says:

    i saw that train wreck coming. seriously, asking a buncha ap moms (many whom woh) if they can *really* be ap since they woh.
    i can see it both ways, but it was worded horribly imnsho

  11. just_my_opinion says:

    This is why I hate labels. I am probably like most AP moms in what I do, but I would never label myself. It’s so strange to me to attach a set of rules & segregate yourself from other moms, when you are a mom.

  12. cassie says:

    HOLY TWISTED PANTIES, BATMAN! someone’s got theirs in a bunch! wow, i didn’t see how OP was being insulting at all. it is a valid question. there are people out there who view “AP” as being home with your kid, NO MATTER WHAT, even if it means state assistance and food stamps, or taking baby with you to your job *i’d love to find work like that!* others see AP as being AP to your baby… when you’re with your baby. she was just asking the opinion of moms who consider themselves AP.

    goodness!

  13. cassie says:

    peachy keen, what are the 3 B’s?

  14. momofdivas/mom3divas says:

    Some people need some big chill pills.

  15. Stephanie says:

    Why do people feel the need to fit in a category anyway? I love my babies, do everything I can for them to make them happy and adjusted and attached, and I’m the best parent I can be. Who cares if it’s called AP or not? Who cares if I WOH or SAH? Do some people just have low self-esteem and feel the need to be a specific type of parent to feel better about themselves?

  16. The Bored Bitch says:

    The Mommy Wars: They are doin’ it right.

  17. pregodego2 says:

    if they are so AP, stop fighting online and go carry your kid or something.

    seriously the OP just was asking, i hear curiousity. DS is such a large place, and with so many moms, i would tink it would be a place we would want to ask these questions the most. some people just live a defensive life…so sad for them.

  18. Madre says:

    This irritates me
    http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=501046
    You’re getting mad at everyone else b/c your dumbass refused to eat anything. That caterer was not rude, probably just confused about the OP being a dipshit.

  19. MajKitab says:

    #15

    I can assure you that any proud AP parent is far from having low self-esteem. What a dumb thing to say.
    There is nothing more satisfying in life than knowing you’re an awesome parent!

    People seems to be ignoring that fitting into a category or labeling one’s self does more than isolate… It brings you together with others who have common beliefs… And there is nothing wrong with that.

  20. Stephanie says:

    I’m not saying people shouldn’t be proud for being AP, but to try to say some people should or shouldn’t be allowed to use the title and to feel the need to make sure everyone knows you have that title…IDK, just reeks of self-esteem issues. Why not just be proud to be a great parent? Period. There are great parents who are not AP parents.

  21. Peachy Keen says:

    Sorry its actually 7 B’s but it was described to me as breastfeeding, bedsharing, babywearing. I missed a few. Its been a while since I actually paid any attention to the literal definition of what AP is.
    http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/T130300.asp

  22. Peachy Keen says:

    #18 yes she is a dipshit. One teensy bit of ham is not gonna hurt the baby.

  23. not tellin says:

    i think the OP is a shit stirrer, honestly.. if it had been anyone else asking, i dont know if people would have gotten their panties in a knot, but the truth is, she pissed a LOT of people off with her idiot “why would you put miscarriages in your signature” post, ya know?

    then again, some people jump at any chance to grab at noobs, and while i try not to, i cant help but be annoyed at or suspicious of people who ask continually ask questions that are of a sensitive nature when it CLEARLY could start a riot. Like that JDT idiot (i havent seen her too much) but in a matter of 3 days she started a “people should NIP descretely” thread, and posted about how she was “shocked at how many people believe life begins at conception” and a myriad of other stupid comments that would obviously incite a problem among a community of moms.

  24. not tellin says:

    omg i just looked at my post and realized i need to check my spelling– lets just pretend i dont sound like an idiot 😀

  25. trollin4friends says:

    not tellin, EXACTLY!!! she really should not have expected any different, AND shes just doing this to get people to jump on her, so she can turn around and be all, cry cry you all are so mean.

  26. momofdivas/mom3divas says:

    #24 are we talking about the PO of the AP thread or the OP of the caterer thread now?

  27. Peachy Keen says:

    Oh see now that I know all the facts it sounds like the OP is a troll. I didn’t realize she was the one who posted the M/C in siggy thread and life begins at conception.

  28. Peachy Keen says:

    I am so freaking confused right now its not even funny LOL

  29. Kaymadmom says:

    #23…nuh uh! What a whack. Off to find the NIP thread….

  30. R says:

    “i think the OP is a shit stirrer, honestly.. if it had been anyone else asking, i dont know if people would have gotten their panties in a knot, but the truth is, she pissed a LOT of people off with her idiot “why would you put miscarriages in your signature” post, ya know?”

    Exactly, had it been another poster… but the OP is a troll.

    And people need to realize that it’s much harder to judge intent from a written message.

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