*vent* about a friend’s insolent little brat. (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=390590)

mfnusz 04-09-2008 07:34 PM

*vent* about a friend’s insolent little brat.
sorry if that sounds harsh but i have had ENOUGH of her. today we were out at the park, and all the kids were running around, playing and having fun….when my daughter finds a bug. let me preface this by saying that we are HUGE animal lovers and teach our kids to respect all life, they would never kill a bug for no reason. my 4 y.o. DD looooovves bugs, she finds them and picks them up and carries them around. well, her friend (let’s call her “jordan”) knows this, and for no good reason other than to antagonize my daughter, STOMPS on her bug. katie was mortified. she started crying and ran over to me to tell me that jordan killed her bug…..well, i went off on her. i asked her how she would like it if someone came into HER house and squished HER. i told her that this was the outdoors, where the bugs LIVE, and that she had no right to go squishing them when they weren’t bothering her (mind you, we’re not talking mosquitoes or bees or anything that was coming after her). grrrrr. she then proceeds to follow my daughter around as she is looking for bugs just so she can pretend like she is going to kill them. i realize that we might be a *little* extreme (and i DO kill SOME pesky bugs in the house, though if i can, i try to relocate them outside first) but it just made my blood boil that this impudent little brat was doing this just for the sheer delight it brought her to kill the bug and watch my daughter’s horror.

okay, i feel better now.

I started reading this and though I felt bad that her daughter got her bug squished, I was horrified that this DS mama confronted a kid like that!!! Apparently I’m the only one so far that feels like that, but she’s calling a CHILD an insolent brat, and an impudent little brat, and yelling at her over a squished bug.  While this little one might need a lesson in being nice to bugs, you’d think this mama could treat another kid a bit better than she seems to treat bugs. I get wanted to vent, but this was out of line and a bit much.  If I found out someone talked to MY baby like that, I’d be livid!
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Comments
  1. sbolen says:

    Yeah, I didn’t know what to think. I mean, kids kill bugs. Kids are mean to other kids. I understand being upset…but it is what kids do and I’m sure her kid isn’t always an angel either…but who knows.

  2. Sheila says:

    “How would you like it if someone came to your house and squished you?!”
    Now I can sympathize with the fact that this kid is being a brat and she doesn’t like it. Going off on a kid like that is not OK though. I would be ticked if I was the mother of “Jordan.”

  3. Kelolsen says:

    there is a better way to say that she shoudln’t have done it- b/c the child clearly did it to antagonize the smaller child. Also, the fact that she followed her around pretending that she’d squash the bug was pretty bratty…. but there’s a bette way to handle it, esp when its someone else’s kid.

  4. cassie says:

    eh-men. i think she should have spoken to the child in a more respectful manner, and THEN taken it up with the child’s mother. period. if the kid still wants to act like a terror, remove yourself and your child from the situation, and keep the other one away.

  5. oh!thedrama says:

    ITA Cassie.

    IMO, I would be freakin’ livid too if someone called my child an “insolent brat”… even if they were behaving “brattily”. I would have talked to the child’s mother pronto and first. Honestly, I don’t feel that I have the right to confront anyone’s child (unless the parent is nowhere to be seen and that child is about to seriously endanger/harm my child.. then yeah, I’d call the kid on it, but not in a disrespectful manner). Given the way that she seems to have responded to the kid, I wouldn’t be surprised if he persisted in his behavior because he was pissed at her— not necessarily to irk her dd. If an adult talked like that to me I could imagine it might be mighty tempting to continue to annoy the hell out of them. lol!

  6. oh!thedrama says:

    Oops. the “other kid” in the OP was a girl. My bad for calling “she” a “he”. The rest of what I said though still stands.

  7. Ashley says:

    What a bitch. What gives HER the right to yell at someone else’s kid? I assume the other kid’s parent was right there as they were at a PUBLIC PARK. How humiliating for that parent.

  8. silver says:

    So “Jordan” squishes a bug, gets yelled at by an adult, and then antagonizes that adult’s child. Yes, that may have been rude for her to antagonize the child, but I still think the adult was the one out of line.

    Maybe Jordan likes squishing bugs. Sure, she “knows” that her friend thinks bugs are nice, but does a 4-year-old really have the capacity to understand that if she does something she likes–squishing bugs–it’ll upset someone else? I’m guessing that Jordan saw the bug, thought “oh! bug! squish it!”, and then did it, without any time to think, “Wait, my friend here likes bugs, how will she feel?”

    So Jordan has now squished the bug. She then gets yelled at. Here’s the first problem (not the original bug squishing). The mom should be modeling good behavior, respect, etc. Instead she “goes off” on Jordan. Jordan probably thought (rightly) that this woman was overreacting.

    So then Jordan purposefully antagonizes the daughter. But she isn’t killing bugs anymore, she’s just pretending. Sounds to me like Jordan wouldn’t have done that if she hadn’t been yelled at.

    This situation is so the mom’s fault.

  9. jackie says:

    When another child does something physical to mine i step in regardless of another parent being there or not. As for this situation. I would have just explained to my dd that some children dont repect mother nature and abuse things. And i would have said it in a way to make the mother feel bad for not taking charge.

  10. giggle says:

    I think what gets me here is the lesson of respect….. How does this Momma, who is trying to tell this child to respect nature, expect the child to respect nature when no form of respect was given towards the child, had it been a preteen she’d have been told to sod off!

    My kids were brought up with the same lesson, we don’t hurt nature, but I didn’t wig out on another kid about it, I looked at it as an opportunity to explain how bugs are important to our environment, yes even at 4 it can be taught.

    If the kid was being bratty, move on, why create drama and bash this kid’s self esteem?

  11. DiaperTwatters says:

    What gives this mom the right to tell another kid what to respect and not to respect? I’ll encourage my kids to kill all the damn bugs they want to because I hate bugs.

  12. DS Drama Mama 2 says:

    I have no problem with the kid killing a bug… I think the mom caused the subsequent behavior by being so rude, perhaps pulling them both aside, telling the little girl that her daughter likes bugs and maybe next time she can find her own bug to squish or play with would have been better.

    Mom caused the issue and had she spoken to my child like that, she would have been on the floor, friend or not.

  13. Jennifer (ferrferr) says:

    Insolent mother.

    That is all.

    And insolent defined per Merriam-Webster in case anyone is wondering:
    1 : insultingly contemptuous in speech or conduct : overbearing

  14. kim is etarded says:

    i think she would have been better to use it as a teaching opportunity to this other kid. tell her about animals and how important it is to be respectful, make it fun. turn it into a bug finding game. instead of just yelling at her.

  15. lilgamoma says:

    well, that’s a bit confusing for the bug squisher isn’t it? I mean, I want my kids to learn to not only respect nature & other living creatures, but People as well..no matter WHAT their age. It just seems to me the mom over-reacted & set a poor example for “jordan” instead of taking the oppitunity into turning it into a learning experience. Maybe next time she’ll think before reacting that way..one can only hope so anyways.

  16. the annoyed one says:

    Way to handle it! congrats.

    I personally am terrified of bugs, and squish them. dd does to. so that bratty kid you’re talking about could be mine. if some fool came talked to my daughter like that they would have wished they never showed their face at the park. these are 4 year old children we’re talking about here! if she was taunting your daughter the correct thing to do is to teach your daughter how to handle a “bully”. do you know how?? not by going to their face, but by walking away. the other thing she could have done is talk to the parent of that child. good thing my child knows the correct way to handle situations that arise between children, disagreements happen, that’s how they learn to handle themselves in society. i’d hate for my dd to be a cry baby about everything. that’s my 2 cents.

  17. the annoyed one says:

    oh one more thing. i’m really sorry OPs dd got her feelings hurt like that too. but OP should have handled the situation differently.

  18. lysol says:

    FFS.
    If someone else’s little brat p!ssed in your corn flakes, you would srsly in a calm tone and cool head use it as a learning experience?
    Gawd forbid a mother have a short fuse for *whatever* reason. DS is full of perfect moms.

  19. the annoyed one says:

    actually i would have handled it in a calm tone. IT’S A 4 YEAR OLD. and dealing with one will make you grow a really thick skin to “bratness”

  20. lysol says:

    ZOMG ALL 4 YEAR OLDS ARE EXACTLY THE SAME!
    Sorry, I’m not buying it. Newborns aren’t all alike, neither are 4 year olds.
    Maybe the OP doesn’t have a little 4 year old brat. If she isn’t used to dealing with brats then is it any wonder she reacted the way she did? Oh, but we’re all supposed to be perfect moms. Bring on the mommy wars. And pie. Don’t forget the ice cream.

  21. It’s not about being a perfect mom. So the mom’s reaction is excused because she’s not a perfect mom? Well the 4 yr old is not a perfect 4 yr old either. So the mom’s actions are no better than the 4 yr old’s actions. You don’t just go off on someone else’s child the way she did. It’s not even about being a mom at that point. It’s about being an adult. No one is expecting her to be perfect, but if she’s going to act like a child because of the way a child reacts, I’m not gonna sit here and say “Poor thing.”

  22. lysol says:

    “You don’t just go off on someone else’s child the way she did. It’s not even about being a mom at that point. It’s about being an adult.”

    Yeah. Actually you’re right. Thinking about it like that. If someone else’s child was antagonizing my child, it would probably stir the pot with me. But from what the OP said, it sounds like Jordan has been on her nerves for a while. Maybe this was just the last straw and she snapped. Regardless, I think you’re right. This sounds like an ongoing struggle with Jordan’s behaviour.
    There are a lot of things the OP woulda coulda shoulda done. Too late now.

  23. kim is etarded says:

    “FFS.
    If someone else’s little brat p!ssed in your corn flakes, you would srsly in a calm tone and cool head use it as a learning experience?
    Gawd forbid a mother have a short fuse for *whatever* reason. DS is full of perfect moms.”

    well i wouldn’t go yelling at someone elses kid. but then again, if that was my kid “pissing in your cornflakes”, you bet your ass i would handle my own child. i don’t think using it as a learning experiance makes anyone a perfect mom, it makes you an adult. adults find constructive ways to work out problems. if my child sees me yelling at another child, well, monkey see monkey do. but if she sees me handling a problem in a constructive way, well than i would hope it would show her that there are better ways to work out problems than yelling.

    shoulda woulda coulda but there is always next time.

  24. lysol says:

    For real. It shouldn’t have been the OP’s place to teach someone else’s child or yell for that matter, period. But Jordan’s mother wasn’t about to step in either. Even if the OP did try and educate Jordan, Jordan’s mom would have reinforced it being OK to kill bugs from what the OP mentioned in a later post.

    *shrug*

  25. What a wanker says:

    I’m not really sure where everyone is getting that she “yelled” at Jordan.

    From the Post: “i went off on her. i asked her how she would like it if someone came into HER house and squished HER. i told her that this was the outdoors, where the bugs LIVE, and that she had no right to go squishing them when they weren’t bothering her ”

    She “went off on her” but that could just mean saying something that she wouldn’t normally say. I’m not sure she DID yell. I probably wouldn’t have said that part about squishing the kid, but really, we don’t know what tone or volume was used with Jordan at all. She never called her a brat to her face or insolent or anything from what I can see. From what was written, what is in parentheses here is all that was said and the tone is being insinuated by commenters. Maybe it’s because she used CAPS for some words? But she may not have yelled, only been stern? I don’t know. I think some may be reading more into this than there is. I don’t know, I wasn’t there so I’m not going to assume anything.

  26. DS Drama Mama 2 says:

    What she said was not cool, whether it was yelling or not IMO. And then the fact that this is a PUBLIC message board and she calls the child an insolent brat? That is a little beyond ok.

  27. W.A.W: I’ve never heard someone say “went off” or “go off” on someone and mean they talked in a stern voice. If she didn’t yell at the girl, I don’t think she would have used those words. She could have said, “I told her.” The way it was perceived was that she was yelling at the girl or talking rudely, which is what I believe happened. I’m not reading into what she said, just reading what she said.

  28. What a wanker says:

    I understand, but “I went off” really can mean different things to different people. I’m just saying, she may not have yelled. I find in VERY hard to believe that “Jordan’s” mother just stood there watching and listening to another mother YELL at her child. I mean, the mom would have to be a real whack job to allow that kwim? We know the mom was right there watching based on other things that were said in the thread. I can however see if the OP was being stern that the mom may have stood there and watched (probably rolling her eyes! LOL).

  29. What a wanker says:

    “What she said was not cool, whether it was yelling or not IMO. And then the fact that this is a PUBLIC message board and she calls the child an insolent brat? That is a little beyond ok.”

    Maybe, but she didn’t call the kid an insolent brat to her face-only on the board.

    If she had said she yelled and she did call the kid names to her face, or to her mother, I would be as up in arms as everyone else. I guess I’m just reading it differently.

  30. a reader says:

    You know, did the OP ever come back to defend herself?

    This woman needs a serious reality check. Or a beer. Or both.

  31. She did come back and make one or two posts, but she never addressed the people that were concerned about how SHE acted, just those that said they understood how it could be upsetting.

  32. nuthousetrio says:

    I wondered about that myself. It’s a frickin bug and they’re four. I honestly get a little annoyed with the overbearing mamas. What do they think is going to happen when they send their precious angel to school? This is something you never say to a four year old who never has two feet in reality at one time: “i asked her how she would like it if someone came into HER house and squished HER” and THIS is called modeling behaviour, folks: “(and i DO kill SOME pesky bugs in the house, though if i can, i try to relocate them outside first)” Gee, wonder why little Jordan smashes bugs? Some kids are brats. It’s just how it is. Mom needs to stop bringing her childhood issues into her daughter’s life. Get some counseling for your bully issues you’re OBVIOUSLY still hung up on!

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